


Date Night Cubed

by lol-phan-af (lol_phan_af)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [106]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Date Night, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Summer, Tattoos, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 10:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13973532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lol_phan_af/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: more like HUNKules: my ears pinchlittle lion: at least yours weren't done in your dorm room on white mans holiday by the person you're in love with grinding on you while you cryjohnn: I'm going to smother you with this pillow I was NOT grinding on youlaf: you were grinding on himjohnn: GOODBYE





	Date Night Cubed

**frances** : paRENTS you have to drive me and theo to our date

 **johnn** : ya we will when we go on our date

 **pip pip doodly doo** : uS TOO

 **hugh lowercase** : me, elizabeth, and ana are going go-karting so like you have to drive us too

 **little lion** : my heart LITERALLY paused when I saw your contact name like who you datin

 **hugh lowercase** : I'm

 **little lion** : ;^)) who could you be datin

 **little lion** : remember summer 2016

 **more like HUNKules** : goodbye

 **little lion** : love you hercules <3 <3 <3

 **more like HUNKules** : I'm gonna literally destroy you at laser tag now

 **more like HUNKules** : I'm going to make myself a widower

 **johnn** : hercules I can literally feel you getting scared at the Prospect of alex dying Stop before you start freaking out

 **little lion** : do you want me to come and hug you

 **more like HUNKules** : yes very much thank you

 **frances** : I just wanted a ride how did we get here

 **hugh lowercase** : they're dumb as fuck

 **laf** : rude

 **laf** : hi, marquis de lafayette here to defend my husbands

\---

 **james** : mARQUIS??

 **frances** : yes

 **frances** : I am royalty

 **france eyes** : that's?? france doesn't have a monarch anymore right??

 **frances** : no,,,,it's been like 160 years,,,,

 **james** : right

 **france eyes** : but wouldn't?? pip become the royal?? bc he's the one w lafayette as a last name

 **frances** : doesn't mean I ain't royalty, I'm just not the king

 **james** : but wouldn't she get the throne anyway bc she's the oldest child of ????

 **frances** : why are y'all discussing this

 **france eyes** : could daughters inherit the throne at this point

 **james** : I think??

 **frances** : oh my gOD

 **france eyes** : right right but anyway our girlfriend is,,,,,a lady?? that's how that works

 **frances** : hSH yes I am the Lady Frances Laurens-Mulligan

 **james** : omg can we buy 18th century clothes

 **frances** : ??? not ??? now???

 **james** : I know but just,,,in the future

 **frances** : ,,,I can probably get my dad or pip to paint us

 **france eyes** : you went from ??? to !!! in two seconds

 **frances** : I saw the big picture

 **frances** : specifically the big Painting

 **france eyes** : y'know what I see?? us missing our reservations if we don't hurry the fuck up

 **james** : ,,,u right

\---

 **hugh lowercase** : you married into my family I get to make fun of you

 **little lion** : wE MARRIED INTO YOUR FAMILY FOURTEEN YEARS AGO YOU CANT JUST MAKE NEW RULES NOW???

 **laf** : has it really been fourteen years

 **johnn** : I

 **johnn** : ya june 24, 2018 where were you

 **laf** : I know !! but that's so long ago,,,,,,jesus we're old

 **laf** : I'm so happy I get to get older with you

 **more like HUNKules** : you married into my family

 **more like HUNKules** : you're mulligans I've never been happier in my entire life

 **frances** : y'all act like you just got married yesterday please end this

 **laf** : if we got married yesterday we'd be going to disney Tomorrow and instead were are here !! with you !! and we are so happy

 **pip pip doodly doo** : cAN we go to disney soon I miss it

 **johnn** : ,,,do you have disneyworld Money

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,nvm

 **johnn** : that's what I Thought

 **anastasie** : destroyed

 **little lion** : aLL OF MY SPOUSES IN THIS CHAT!! can we please get up and get dressed and Leave

 **little lion** : because I'm hungry and also pumped for laser tag

 **more like HUNKules** : lafayette can you,,,cut my hair

 **laf** : aw alex stretched out all your little curls

 **laf** : why don't you just,,,put them back

 **more like HUNKules** : bc then my hair is uneven

 **little lion** : but what if I like all of your little curls :^(

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,,,,,

 **hugh lowercase** : 5

 **hugh lowercase** : 4

 **hugh lowercase** : 3

 **hugh lowercase** : 2

 **more like HUNKules** : shUT up hugh

 **more like HUNKules** : and also fine but put them all back

 **johnn** : hJDHS you talk about your hair like your curls are marbles

 **johnn** : ""you can play w em but put em all back when you're done,,,I ain't doin it""

 **more like HUNKules** : bc he literally can put them all back but instead he keeps fiddling with them and kissing my neck

 **frances** : STOP

 **more like HUNKules** : sorry sorry

 **laf** : ,,,you don't seem to be complaining about it

 **more like HUNKules** : don't drag me in front of our children

 **johnn** : hdjhJHA

 **little lion** : !!! as much as I love this, we fr need to get ready

 **johnn** : ya come on

 **little lion** : thank

\---

 **more like HUNKules** : what would you do if I grew my hair out

 **little lion** : heart eyes all day every day

 **little lion** : so like,,,the same as now but you have long hair and we fuck with that heavily

 **little lion** : you with your hair pulled back hhvhhghhhvchhg

 **more like HUNKules** : hHSH okay

 **more like HUNKules** : I probably won't but it's nice knowing that you'd be hhvhhghhhvchhg if I did

 **little lion** : you are so beautiful

 **little lion** : !! regardless of whether or not your hair is long !!

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you

 **little lion** : I love you too

\---

 **james** : ooH can we wear orange

 **france eyes** : do you want me to look ugly?? bc this is how you get me to look ugly

 **james** : I think you're beautiful no matter what but orange Does wash you out so tru

 **frances** : !! pink

 **france eyes** : I'm okay with pink  
  
**james** : oOh I can wear my Fancy tank top

 **frances** : !! yeS !! I have to do my makeup so y'all got Time

 **james** : oO h we can make out

 **france eyes** : yes come here

 **france eyes** : but also none of us are allowed to be late

 **frances** : depends on how my eyebrows come out tbh I make no promises

 **james** : I love you

 **frances** : I love you too!!

 **france eyes** : uhsdjshhgh frances is stunning I hate my life

 **frances** : I'm??

 **france eyes** : like !! my heart can't take having this many beautiful people to be in love with !! mgmngn,gn

 **james** : he just buried his face in my stomach I love him so much

 **frances** : do not say Anything about my makeup I am coming out to kiss him and then returning

 **james** : of course

\---

 **frances** : stop it I can hear you giggling

 **james** : yoU JUST HAVE YOUR EYES DONE SO ITS LIKE YOU HAVE A MASK ON BUT ITS MAKEUP

 **james** : ITS BEAUTIFUL AND VERY ARTISTIC BUT ALSO HSJDH

 **frances** : I'm ignoring everything before beautiful and after artistic

 **james** : ,,,that's fair

\---

 **theodosia the Second** : !! question !! what are you doing rn

 **pip pip doodly doo** : uHH sitting on the couch frowning bc my uncle is teasing me after he asked how you looked and I went off on a tangent and I hate my life why

 **theodosia the Second** : !! I have something to Bring Up but I !! don't know how to say it !! but it's really important and you have to know!!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : are you okay??

 **theodosia the Second** : you're in love w me, and I'm 100% just as in in love with you and everything you are have been and will be

 **theodosia the Second** : but !! like !! idk we show that in different ways !! we've talked about this before but it's like !! we're at the beach w your family and your parents worried about this before when we first got together but like !!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : is this about me crying all the time??

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I mean that in like a,,,literal crying and a figurative crying way

 **theodosia the Second** : kind of!! I just !! I love you with my whole heart and I want you to know that !! we show how we love each other in different ways and I'm not as Outward as you and that!! fucks me up but !! philip I love you so much you knOW that right

 **pip pip doodly doo** : of course I know that !! you got banned from an olive garden for me like theodosia,,,,,babe,,,,

 **theodosia the Second** : ,,,you Never call me theodosia,,,

 **pip pip doodly doo** : and you don't call me philip but you're upset and it helps

 **theodosia the Second** : is this what it feels like to cry over how much you love someone?? this is so overwhelming !! why would you do this for me!!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : theo !!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'm coming upstairs

 **theodosia the Second** : I'm gonna get highlighter on your shirt

 **pip pip doodly doo** : that's okay

 **theodosia the Second** : what the fuck!!

\---

 **hugh lowercase** : are you alright??

 **pip pip doodly doo** : yeA H I JUST LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND!!

 **hugh lowercase** : aw okay

 **hugh lowercase** : I didn't like,,insult you??

 **pip pip doodly doo** : no I'm fine I just really love theodosia

 **hugh lowercase** : nice

\---

 **theodosia the Second** : where do you people learn to love so much so hard

 **frances** : ?? have you ?? our parents are alexander hamilton, john laurens, hercules mulligan, and marie-joseph paul yves roch gilbert du motier, marquis de lafayette ??? bitches broke boNES for each other,,,,

 **frances** : they have annual trips where they just Go Away for the weekend and to this damn day we just don't know!! where they go they won't tell us because it's ""their time"" and we don't have to ""know just yet"" like ??

 **theodosia the Second** : ,,,oh I know where that is

 **anastasie** : WHAT

 **theodosia the Second** : my dAD MENTIONED IT ONCE I M

 **frances** : WHERE IS IT

 **theodosia the Second** : it's,,,not my place

 **theodosia the Second** : and No, if you guess it right I won't tell you

 **anastasie** : damn

\---

 **theodosia the Second** : WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THAT THE HAMILTON-LAURENS-MULLIGAN-LAFAYETTE PARIS VACATION HOME IS A SECREST FROM THEIR CHILDREN

 **theodosia the Second** : I COULDVE TORN APART A FAMILY

 **aaron colder than ice** : ,,,,I'm Sure I said it was secret the one time we mentioned it

 **miss bartow** : you Didn't

 **theodosia the Second** : whAT IF IT CAME UP AND I MENTIONED IT AND THEY HATED ME FOREVER WHY DONT YOU WANT ME TO HAVE A HUSBAND

 **miss bartow** : a whAT NOW

 **theodosia the Second** : GOTTA GO!!

 **miss bartow** : do ?? do we need to start saving money for ?? a ?? ??? ??????

 **aaron colder than ice** : do you want to get pizza and watch movies bc I need to

 **aaron colder than ice** : I can't do anything that requires effort or thinking for the rest of the night

 **miss bartow** : ,,,,,yes

 **miss bartow** : I'm getting out the good wine

 **aaron colder than ice** : y e s

\---

 **little lion** : heLLO MY LOVES

 **little lion** : iT IS FIVE PM AND I HAVE NOT TEXTED YOU ALL DAY!!

 **macaroni fUCK** : aLEX!! HELLO MY LO V E !!

 **jmadzzz** : !!! HELLO !!!

 **little lion** : I'm about to go on a date and I remembered like !! wow I love you both so much and I was going to text you earlier but !! then I went to the beach and came home, wrote some poems and napped and now I am Here

 **macaroni fUCK** : that's fine!! we've been driving lucy and her friends around all day before dropping them off at one of her friends' house so !!

 **little lion** : aw that's so cute your kids can't drive yet

 **jmadzzz** : we're being bullied by our own husband about the ages of our Children

\---

 **macaroni fUCK** : you just

 **jmadzzz** : I didn't realizw until Is ent it

 **macaroni fUCK** : I hhe alst time we did somenthing like hti s he broke yp with us

 **jmadzzz** : are you about to panic

 **macaroni fUCK** : 8

 **jmadzzz** : I'm coming down

\---

 **little lion** : !! you just called me your husband

 **jmadzzz** : ,,,yes,

 **little lion** : I love you so much!!

 **macaroni fUCK** : your'e okay with that??

 **little lion** : ,,,Yes I a'm

 **macaroni fUCK** : hJSDHSJ

 **little lion** : you're my husbands now

 **little lion** : I've adopted you in a husband way

 **macaroni fUCK** : eloping

\---

 **jmadzzz** : are you okay now my love

 **macaroni fUCK** : mostly but can you hold me please

 **jmadzzz** : of course <3

\---

 **little lion** : nO I want a ceremony

 **little lion** : oH !! also !! about that !!

 **little lion** : john and hercules not only Want to be my best man, they are highkey lowkey hiGHKEY willing to compete for the title even though I have explained that y'all have people you might want to be best man and so it's !! a thing we have to discuss but !! just so you know if one of my husbands Dies unexpectedly, this is probably why

 **jmadzzz** : I'm

 **jmadzzz** : I have absolutely not One person I want to be best man

 **macaroni fUCK** : hmm no I'd rather die than have any male I know be best man at my wedding

 **jmadzzz** : and we can't have the best man at our first man be the best man here because our best man was,,,,alex

 **little lion** : ,,,fuck,,,,

 **little lion** : okay I've decided neither of my husbands are going to be best men

 **jmadzzz** : ?? are we not having one ??

 **little lion** : !! pip !!

 **macaroni fUCK** : pHILIP !!

 **jmadzzz** : !!! thatS SO CUTE !!!

 **little lion** : I have so many things to bring up !! I'm so excited we should talk later tonight about nothing and everything but a lot happened abt y'all in the past few days and I want to tell you about it now because it's !! too exciting to contain for a year or two

 **jmadzz** : ?? what else do you have to bring up ??

\---

 **little lion** : WELCOME TO THE S P O U S E D O M E

 **more like HUNKules** : now is that spouse-dome or spoused-o-me

 **little lion** : spouse dome like ??

 **more like HUNKules** : okay hello you look very beautiful tonight and I love you so much

 **little lion** : ,,,,I'm gonna lock you in the bathroom and we're gonna leave and you're gonna miss laser tag and we're only gonna bring you back cold fettuccine if you don't stop Right Now

 **little lion** : iS THAT WHAT YOU WANT

 **more like HUNKules** : I'm

 **more like HUNKules** : my little husband

 **little lion** : HZZKHKS

 **jmadzzz** : ,,,I literally cannot wait to be married to alex,,,

 **macaroni fUCK** : s A me

 **johnn** : aW !! it's so nice

 **johnn** : he wrote us poems earlier

 **johnn** : lafayette has been braiding his hair and then unbraiding it for a good half hour because they don't want to stop doing it

 **laf** : doNT EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS

 **little lion** : laFAYET TE

 **laf** : oh,,look at that,,,my hurrying to defend my honor has made alex's hair fall down,,,,guess I'll have to redo it,,,so sorry love

 **little lion** : y'all are too much

 **little lion** : but also !! the beach next year we have to talk about it leTS talk about it

 **macaroni fUCK** : ???

\---

 **johnn** : did you not?? tell them they were invited

 **little lion** : nope

 **johnn** : I'm

\---

 **little lion** : waNNa come w uS??

 **little lion** : with jane and lucy if they don't hate me by then

 **jmadzzz** : they're?? they don't hate you Now?? why would they??

 **macaroni fUCK** : jane literally asked if we could go to olive garden again when you come back bc they don't want to admit that they miss you but they want to Do things so they can see you and stop missing you

 **johnn** : omg !!!

 **johnn** : honestly it's so sweet that your children like alex he's always so worried about it and I love alex so much

 **jmadzzz** : literally after he came over for dinner the first time, he Left and they were like !! can we do that again !! bc alex listens to them like,,,Harder than any human alive could ever possibly listen and he's just like,,,interested in everything,,,so he can always reply in ways we can't because thomas cannot comprehend ancient history and neither of us understand wrestling or math

 **little lion** : I know nothing about wrestling but math and history I can dig

 **macaroni fUCK** : ya but you ask questions which is nice bc jane kind of explains things as she goes along so we don't really Get to but she doesn't with you so like when you like stop them and ask like ?? I'm soryr What is that called ?? she gets to explain it and talk abt her Personal Opinion on it and it's !! cute I love you both dearly

 **laf** : he's so red I can see it on the back of his neck

 **little lion** : thTA DOESNT MEAN ITS SAFE TO KISS ME THERE HGHG I'm getting a divorce from all of you you're all murderers of my heart and soul

 **laf** : are you gonna wear earrings tonight

 **laf** : we packed the pearls

 **little lion** : ya,,if hercules' changes riGHT NOW

 **little lion** : weRE OLD BUT NOT ENOUGH TO START DRESSING LIKE WHITE BEACH DADS GO BACK INTO THE DRAWERS

 **johnn** : I never thought I'd say I miss the closet,,,,but I miss the closet in our house

 **more like HUNKules** : I don't want to wear pants to laser tag

 **little lion** : hercules there's this thing we have called a Whole fucking bus

 **little lion** : in which we can put clothes to change into

 **more like HUNKules** : I'm being bullied so much today

 **little lion** : I love you !!

 **johnn** : okay this bullying is entirely invalid he wrote an entire Sonnet about you and how in love he is with you always

 **more like HUNKules** : that is true I do love him very much

 **little lion** : !! the beach next year !! is what we were talking about

 **more like HUNKules** : right!! @@james and thomas: thoughts

 **macaroni fUCK** : yE

 **macaroni fUCK** : hHHDKSHD

 **jmadzzz** : he's crying

 **macaroni fUCK** : I'm so excited!! but also next year is so far awAY!!

 **little lion** : we could do something later this summer maybe?? either All of us or the six of us??

 **laf** : ooh lakehouse

 **more like HUNKules** : we have shit to sign abt the lakehouse when we get back home btw

 **macaroni fUCK** : ,,,wait y'all actually got that lakehouse you wanted??

 **more like HUNKules** : follow your dreams

 **jmadzzz** : iM

 **macaroni fUCK** : but also yes later this summer is good

 **little lion** : yay!! we have to go get dressed now but I love you both and I'll see you when I get home!!

 **jmadzzz** : see you alex!! we love you too

 **macaroni fUCK** : love you!!

\---

 **johnn** : if we're sharing a bed w james and thomas like forever,,,,which I am again fine with,,,how is the sex situation going to work

 **little lion** : ,,,,I mean,,,,I know how I'd Like it to work

 **more like HUNKules** : s i x people

 **little lion** : I'll be in Heaven goodbye

 **laf** : hGHGHG geT DRESSED

 **laf** : WE CNAN TALK ABOUT IT L A T ER

 **little lion** : ,,and by Talk you mean,,,??

 **laf** : WE'LL SEE

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ARE YALL READY !!!!! BC WE MADE RE S ERVA T ION S

 **pip pip doodly doo** : AND ALSO WE WONT BE HOME TIL LATE WE ARE MINI GOLFING

 **frances** : I don't think any of us are expected home early?? I know par and dads are going to laser tag and we're walking the boardwalk so !!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ooOh nice nice

 **hugh lowercase** : we're gonna be home early probs bc william has a lot of energy all the time!!! and then when he loses it it's like a dramatic shot in which he's making a valiant jump for freedom and he just trips and faceplants into cold concrete and then juST wants to wear space pajamas and go to bE D which, as a forty five year old, is still a damn mood

 **anastasie** : tHE SPACE PAJAMAS WE GAVE HIM FOR CHRISTMAS??

 **elizabeth s** : yA

 **anastasie** : YES I HAVE MATCHING ONES

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I thought those didn't fit you

 **anastasie** : ,,,we have a tailor as a father and you're out here acting like clothes not fitting us is where we Stop trying to wear the clothes

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,I have,,,,,so many shirts,,,,that I can wear now that this has been brought to light

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,,pip,,,,,my son

 **pip pip doodly doo** : :/

 **frances** : CAN !! WE!! GO! !

 **laf** : WE'RE READY WE'RE READY WE'RE ON OUR WAY DOWN

 **pip pip doodly doo** : GOD BLESS

\---

 **frances** : what are you staring at it's making me blush

 **france eyes** : you're like,,,,your shirt goes off the shoulders and you put on the glittery body spray you have and so like,,,your skin and your face is Shimmering,,,,and you look like art,,,

 **frances** : ,,,,oh,,,,,

 **james** : oH!! you're so red !! I'm in love

 **frances** : I like to know things all the time and it no

 **france eyes** : I'm sorry w h a t

 **frances** : when you just,,,look at me,,,,like I'm art,,,,I for some reason never get it bc you just like,,,wide eyes and :^O and I always ask and then you do the equivalent of kicking me in the solar plexus

 **france eyes** : I love you so much

 **james** : I really want to jsut,,,kiss your shoulders,,,,but imma not

 **frances** : ,,,,,

 **james** : not yet

 **frances** : ;)

\---

 **theodosia the Second** : the amount of anxiety I have over this white dress and all of these bus seats is,,,,a fucking Big Large

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,a big large

 **theodosia the Second** : yes

 **pip pip doodly doo** : fair

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you look so pretty

 **theodosia the Second** : !! your hair is braided and your shirt is,,,Fitted,,,and you have such nice legs I love you also uh I told my parents I wanted to marry you

 **pip pip doodly doo** : excuse me

 **theodosia the Second** : your parents' vacation place, they didn't tell me it was secret, I said ""why don't you want me to have a husband"" and they,,,that message sent

 **theodosia the Second** : I had not,,,previously told them that I wanted to,,,,marry you,,,,

 **theodosia the Second** : I do

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I'm,,,so in love with you I want to marry you too

 **theodosia the Second** : !! we're at the crAB SHACK

 **pip pip doodly doo** : can't fucking believe you convinced me to come to the crab shack

 **theodosia the Second** : leTS GO

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : 19

 **laf** : 20. only if you're sure.

 **laf** : this is Above and Beyond discussion

 **pip pip doodly doo** : fine

\---

 **johnn** : I loVe lafayette so much

 **little lion** : I love lafayette and You but I swear to god I am not sitting in the passenger seat on the way back I Don't like this

 **little lion** : but at the same time I love hercules and when he drives with one hand like that it makes my heart stutter hghhgh his hands are so big

 **laf** : I love you both too!!

 **laf** : also are you okay

 **little lion** : nO!! he has his glasses on and every time I squeeze his hand, he smiles like he doesn't want me to know that he likes holding my hand like I didn't Marry Him

 **johnn** : I'm really emotional all the time

 **johnn** : that's so cute

 **little lion** : look at hiM !! I just wanna love him forever and give him everything

 **johnn** : paris is two months away

 **little lion** : hhghhghg let's go now

 **laf** : we could go later this summer and do that instead of the lakehouse w james and thomas

 **little lion** : for someone who said we can talk Later about having sex w james and thomas you are Certainly bringing up going to the paris apartment w them Early

 **laf** : the paris apartment was nOT originally intended for that though

 **johnn** : ?? we have literally been to paris upwards of fifteen times and only ever actually walked Around paris like,,,,twice

 **johnn** : we leave to convert our money to buy food and to buy like ??? lube and popcorn the paris apartment is like,,,100% only in paris bc it's a whole ocean away from everything else

 **laf** : ,,,,,I have nothing to comment at this time

 **little lion** : so when is paris

 **laf** : ,,,two months

 **little lion** : fine

 **little lion** : y'all're missin out

 **little lion** : all five of y'all

 **johnn** : anYWAY

\---

 **anastasie** : can y'all bring me food back

 **little lion** : do you?? not plan to eat

 **anastasie** : idk?? but I want the little slug things

 **anastasie** : the pasta slugs

 **johnn** : gnocchi??

 **anastasie** : yeS!!

 **laf** : pasta slugs

 **anastasie** : i'm nOT ITALIAN I DONT HAVE TO KNOW WHAT THEYRE CALLED

 **johnn** : NGHGHKSH DNONE OF US ARE ITALIAN

 **anastasie** : JDHJSDH NO FURTHER QUESTIONS

\---

 **james** : every time they start speaking different languages casually it completely throws me off guard because my mind is like,,,,they're saying things,,,and I'm like !! yes listening !! and then it's like ??? bc it doesn't register in my mind yet that they're speaking a different language

 **france eyes** : I'm

 **james** : it's cool

 **james** : also funny when they have to correct hercules' pronunciation of the words

 **frances** : he doesn't actually speak french or spanish but he's like,,,lived with people who speak it all the time for a billion years so he like,,,picked some of it up and also makes hardcore guesses and sometimes he's right

 **frances** : he's trying to learn french I know that,,,,but he won't?? tell my other parents bc he wants it to be a surprise,,,,and also because he meant to do it years ago but never got around to it and is trying to figure out a way to,,explain that

 **france eyes** : why do You know that

 **frances** : I fucking ran into him going to trombone practice after school and he was like !!!!! bc he goes fucking,,,after he picks us up from school so my parents don't Find Out so that when he's like,,,well versed at it,,,he can?? do something idk what his plans are I'm Pretty sure it's just so he can understand us when we yell and be cute w my other parents

 **frances** : honestly I love my parents they're just fucking goals

 **frances** : like 19 years in the future are we still gonna be acting like we !! just got together

 **james** : I never actually thought you'd say your parents are goals when you're Not drunk

 **frances** : hush

 **frances** : this is off the record but I'm just !! emotional tonight like they're literally making fun of each others accents like what is this

 **james** : hHDJHDJH we don't have accents that's so weird

 **frances** : but to my Parents, we have accents

 **james** : that's,,,weirder

 **france eyes** : honestly this is so funny like what's happening

 **france eyes** : I almost don't want to get out of the car

 **frances** : we're here!! so we have to tho

 **frances** : it's day two out of seven I can Promise this won't be the last time you see them bicker, they are always like this

 **james** : aw

 **france eyes** : let's go!!

\---

 **little lion** : the elderly women who run this give me life we're buying cannolis before we leave

 **laf** : cheesecake, cannolis, that Bread, and also cheese

 **johnn** : !! oiL cookies !!

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,,we're hiding the oil cookies in our room don't even fuck with me

 **johnn** : ya of course

 **little lion** : I love you all sm

 **johnn** : we love you too!!

\---

 **james** : honestly rn me looking at you both like wow!! I'm in love

 **james** : and you're both so tall and frances is in heels and you walk so fast and kill me but it's okay because when you notice you slow down and !! frances looks so beautiful and francis is stunning and I'm so in love and !! I'm overwhelmed idk how I got so lucky to find you

 **james** : we met in a smoothie shop and a fucKNG pre-calc class goodbye like how did this come to ?? how did we get here??

 **james** : this trip is fucking me up

 **james** : I can see you and you both have your crepes but you're still waiting and I swear to god

 **james** : mgmmgnmgn you got me food I don't deserve you

\---

 **little lion** : gnocchi secured

 **anastasie** : bless bless bless

 **anastasie** : also we're coming back here bc I am demolisHING uncle hugh at go karting but nobody is here to take pictures

 **little lion** : ?? so we don't even get to go kart just take pictures ??

 **anastasie** : you're old and these go karts are shallow

 **little lion** : ?? uncle hugh is older than us ??

 **anastasie** : ,,,,,really

 **little lion** : he is 45

 **little lion** : we are 43 at our Oldest

 **anastasie** : omg

 **ansatasie** : how old is aunt elizabeth

 **little lion** : 43

 **anastasie** : oH RIGHT DAD MET HER BC THEY WERE IN THE SAME CLASS

 **little lion** : yes

 **anastasie** : did you like,,,Know her when they were dating??

 **little lion** : I met her Once before they broke up

 **little lion** : and then I met her again later when we went to hercules' house for easter one year

 **anastasie** : wild

 **anastasie** : can you write a book about like your whole life I feel like there's gaps I'm missing

 **little lion** : ,,,maybe when you're older

 **little lion** : I can publish it and help put you through college

 **anastasie** : y a s

\---

 **little lion** : lASER TAG LASER TAG LAASER T A G

 **johnn** : it's nOT fair that you get to make out w laf in the back

 **laf** : we haven't gone anywhere yet,,,,,and we have twenty minutes to kill before we planned to leave for laser tag,,,,

 **more like HUNKules** : I am Unbuckling

 **little lion** : come here I love you both smsmsm

\---

 **anastasie** : theO !! PIP !! YOURE HERE

 **pip pip doodly doo** : yA!! we're here to mini golf tho

 **pip pip doodly doo** : unless theo wants ?? to go kart then ??

 **theodosia the Second** : is this our only chance we get to do it ??

 **pip pip doodly doo** : no!! we usually come back as a fam and do it but if you want to do it now we can !! I just like being w you I don't have a preference as to What we do

 **theodosia the Second** : I'll take mini golf bc I'm in a dress and your shirt will get dirty and you look so nice

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you once called me cute when I slipped in mud after getting caught in the rain

 **theodosia the Second** : ,,,,you were wearing a t-shirt,,,,this is a button up and I Know that's handmade

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,it is my dad made it

 **theodosia the Second** : !! I love you sm !!

 **theodosia the Second** : !! also ana do you want to golf w us !!

 **anastasie** : !! no I'm good !! I'm killing uncle hugh too hard to stop now

 **theodosia the Second** : ,,,respect

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : that was cute

 **theodosia the Second** : I like your sister

 **theodosia the Second** : well,,,,I like your sisterS, but frances isn't here

 **theodosia the Second** : and I know we were on a date but she's younger and super cool I wasn't just gonna be like :) hi (: choke :) like of course I'm going to invite her to come w us

 **pip pip doodly doo** : theo !! I love you

 **theodosia the Second** : I love you too!!

 **theodosia the Second** : ooH can we color coordinate our golf balls

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ?? we're both wearing white

 **theodosia the Second** : ,,,,,right

 **pip pip doodly doo** : the clubs are given based on your height I hate my life

 **theodosia the Second** : hshJA

 **theodosia the Second** : I wouldn't have you any other way

 **pip pip doodly doo** : so you're saying,,,if a magical wizard came up to you,,,,and offered to just Make me taller, nothing else would change I'd just hit like a good 5'10",,,,you would be like Sorry, No!! Goodbye I'm FINE with having a 5'6" bf

 **theodosia the Second** : I mean ?? I might say yes if it meant you would be more comfortable with your height but?? otherwise no I mean it

 **theodosia the Second** : we're the same height I like it that way

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,,,,omg

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : 19.5

 **laf** : I am about to kill two of your parents, so I am just going to say No, but it's a firm and terrifying No that should make you want to agree

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,,,fine

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : im iN LOVE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND FRANCES AND IM HAVING A CRISIS

 **frances** : BTIHCHCIH MY BOYFRIEND JUST TOLD ME HE DOESNT D E SERVE ME

 **pip pip doodly doo** : THEO JUST SAID IF SHE WAS GIVEN THE MAGICAL CHANCE TO MAKE ME TALLER THE ONLY REASON SHE WOULD SAY YES IS TO MAKE ME MORE COMFORTABLE WITH MY HEIGHT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!! OMG

 **frances** : NDSHJKDKSJDHSKJDH

 **pip pip doodly doo** : KSHJKHSJDHS

\---

 **anastasie** : !! aunt elizabeth wants to know if you want to meet up when you're done and go to the candy store before we get picked up

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ya!! and it's not too late if you want to come w us, we're only on the second hole

 **anastasie** : I'm sTILL GOOD, I don't need to See You being Straight in front of me

 **pip pip doodly doo** : out of all the things you've called me in the past Straight is by far the worst one

 **pip pip doodly doo** : this includes calling me ball bitch at All of my soccer games

 **anastasie** : I know I felt bad after saying it

 **anastasie** : not ball bitch though bc that's good and will continue this upcoming soccer season don't fucking think for a sECOND that I will ever forget

 **pip pip doodly doo** : fine as long as you don't call me straight again

 **anastasie** : deal

\---

 **little lion** : IS ANYONE READY TO GO HOME

 **hugh lowercase** : nO

 **pip pip doodly doo** : NO

 **frances** : WE J U S T GOT TO THE SIDE STREETS OF THE BOARDWALK

 **little lion** : okay !! I was just asking because we wanted to do another game of laser tag but if anyone wanted to leave we could Not

 **frances** : live your life parents

 **little lion** : thank you daughter

 **little lion** : even though I Know you're only saying that because you want your date to be longer

 **frances** : y'aLL have weekend long dates you don't get to say anything

 **little lion** : touche

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : MINI GOLF CHAMPION FRIENDS AND ENEMIES

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I HAVE DEFEATED MY LOVELY GIRLFRIEND IN THE GAME OF MINIATURE GOLF

 **theodosia the Second** : rude

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you get to win every game of scrabble unopposed I get to do this

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,,what if theodosia and alex went up against each other in a scrabattle

 **little lion** : scrabattle I love you so much

 **little lion** : also I think I'd lose,,,,children are our future and I have No Doubt theo knows more than me

 **theodosia the Second** : omg,,,,thank you

 **little lion** : just being honest

 **pip pip doodly doo** : am AZING

 **pip pip doodly doo** : whO WON LASER TAG

 **little lion** : ME AND HERCULES !!

 **johnn** : as the losers we now have to buy expensive and Gross kettle corn

 **little lion** : it's delicious

 **laf** : it's garbage but nevertheless

 **more like HUNKules** : woW

\---

 **little lion** : hercules can you get your ears pierced

 **little lion** : or One if you don't wanna do two

 **more like HUNKules** : Why

 **little lion** : for fun

 **little lion** : you'd look Hot

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,,will you get another tattoo w me??

 **little lion** : what would it be

 **johnn** : ???is this for tonight??? what is happening

 **more like HUNKules** : I have alex's poem from earlier,,,,kind of,,,want something with that

 **little lion** : that's !! not even fair !! what would I get

 **little lion** : wAIT

 **more like HUNKules** : ya

 **little lion** : okay

 **laf** : ?????????

 **little lion** : !! I have this one section of hercules' vows from our wedding written down in hercules' handwriting that I keep in my Wallet,,,,and I always Told him if I ever was gonna get another tattoo it would be that !! and I love hercules !!

 **johnn** : ?? which part

 **little lion** : ""I am so lucky to have loved and kept you, through all these years and despite every odd, and to stand with you here now, after all this time, just goes to show how truly blessed I am..."

 **little lion** : then his cute lil HM signature

 **laf** : what is hercules getting??

 **more like HUNKules** : probably the Second poem abt us

 **johnn** : which one is the second one the short long one or the long short one

 **more like HUNKules** : long short

 **laf** : damn

 **little lion** : ,,,so  
  
**more like HUNKules** : alright

 **little lion** : yES

\---

 **little lion** : we'RE GONNA BE A LITTLE LATE

 **laf** : they're ?? getting tattoos ??

 **johnn** : hercules is getting his ears pierced

 **frances** : ????????WHY

 **more like HUNKules** : this is what marriage is like

 **little lion** : I CALL PASSENGER SEAT NOW IF IM GETTING A MATCHING TATTOO W HERCULES

 **laf** : y'all act like you don't already have matching tattoos

 **little lion** : eVERYTHING ALWAYS FEELS NEW WHEN IM WITH YALL!!

 **johnn** : ,,,babe,,,,

\---

 **johnn** : I kind of want a tattoo now

 **johnn** : w the flowers I was Good, because they're, while pretty, Huge

 **johnn** : and I have ??? no pain tolerance

 **johnn** : and I love This idea, but at the same time y'all are talking about getting them over your hearts and I Can't do that

 **johnn** : I kind of want your initials on my hip tbh bc that's cheesy and I'm gay like that

 **laf** : I'd get your initials on my hip

 **johnn** : hMM

 **laf** : hMMmMm

 **johnn** : hM is coincidentally,,,one of the initials we would be getting on our hip

 **laf** : I

 **little lion** : which hip would it be

 **laf** : right??

 **johnn** : agreed

 **little lion** : that's super cute!! I support you

 **little lion** : but also, and idk if you were even implying me and hercules should do this, but we Can't bc the flowers

 **laf** : we understand love <3 but also if you got them on your left hips,,,they would like,,,syn when we dance

 **little lion** : ,,,okay I'm down with this lets gO

 **laf** : also I love y'all,,,but I swear to god if you are getting my initials on your body do NOT get them all

 **johnn** : mjpyrgmml is pretty though when it's written out in cursive

 **laf** : I will give you gilbert du motier, marquis de lafayette but you get nothing else

 **johnn** : fine

 **johnn** : oOp we're here

 **little lion** : !!!!

\---

 **little lion** : wAS THAT YOU

 **johnn** : I YELPED A LITTLE ITS NOT A C RI M E IM NOT USED TO THIS

 **little lion** : I have to keep apologizing to the lady bc this tickles

 **johnn** : ??? wHO A R E YOU

\---

 **frances** : aRE POPS AND DAD ALMOST DONE

 **laf** : uhH ya we all got done a While ago and then they went to theirs a little bit after

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ?? yOU ALL GOT TATTOOS ?? do they match

 **laf** : yes

 **pip pip doodly doo** : of course

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ALSO CAN YOU GET HERE BEFORE WE SPEND ALL OUR MONEY IN THIS CANDY SHOP BC WE HAVE NO CONTROL

 **frances** : SAME WE'RE AT THE ONE ON THE BOARDWALK, NOT THAT ONE BUT THE OTHER ONE, AND WE SPENT LIKE SIXTY BUCKS

 **laf** : ALEX'S IS DONE HE JUST HAS TO PAY AND HERCULES' IS ALMOST FINISHED PLEASE DO NOT GO INTO DEBT

 **pip pip doodly doo** : thEY HAVE CHOCOLATE COVERED PRETZELS SO NO FUCKING PROMISES

\---

 **little lion** : I feel like I didn't tip enough

 **laf** : you tipped literally more than the tattoo cost

 **laf** : and we also tipped

 **little lion** : ya but the tattoo is so nice and I love hercules so much I wish I could've paid more

 **little lion** : besides we have So Much Money

 **johnn** : fuckhgkhgksh get in the car

 **little lion** : imma drop another fifty in that mf tip jar hold on

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,me too tbh

 **johnn** : ,,,I love them very so much

 **laf** : me too

 **little lion** : okAY LETS GO PICK UP OUR FAMILY

 **more like HUNKules** : !!!

\---

 **frances** : BED BED BED

 **james** : ok your parents tattoos are the sweetest I saw the pictures and omg

 **frances** : riGHT

 **pip pip doodly doo** : pops and dad's torsos are literally fucking just ""look at my spouses, I love them so much look"" like imagine just having that on your body forever that's so cool

 **anastasie** : also dad has his ears pierced now

 **frances** : ,,,,they're gonna peer pressure john into getting it done before they die

 **pip pip doodly doo** : that implies that they're going to die,,,which we all know will probably never happen

 **anastasie** : tru

 **anastasie** : also can you fucking walk faster I'm boutta pass out

 **frances** : rude but ya

 **anastasie** : thank

\---

 **little lion** : I love you all sm !!

 **little lion** : also cuddling hurts

 **johnn** : hjsHJ my babes

 **little lion** : this is so upsetting but so worth it

 **little lion** : also idk how we're gonna get to the beach tomorrow bc we can't take these off until tom night

 **laf** : we'll figure it out Tomorrow because I am Tired

 **more like HUNKules** : my ears pinch

 **little lion** : at least yours weren't done in your dorm room on white mans holiday by the person you're in love with grinding on you while you cry

 **johnn** : I'm going to smother you with this pillow I was NOT grinding on you

 **laf** : you were grinding on him

 **johnn** : GOODBYE  
  
**johnn** : GOODNIGHT

 **johnn** : TOMORROW MORNING WE DIVORCE GOODBYE

 **little lion** : you just got our initials tattooed on you

 **little lion** : you ain't goin anywhere but into my Arms

 **johnn** : ,,,,,well I mean,,,,if you Insist

 **little lion** : <3 my babes <3

\---

 **little lion** : gOT ANOTHER TATTOOhey

 **little lion** : TWO

 **macaroni fUCK** : ????????

 

**Author's Note:**

> I HIT 800K !! FINALLY
> 
> tumblr: lol-phan-af


End file.
